I have a terrible propensity to never let myself celebrate or revel in my achievements. I have a serious case of perfectionism. I can never just enjoy the completion of a project without making some sort of comment deprecating its qualities. Just in case something goes wrong! Then everyone will know that I am fully aware of any faults and therefore I shall neither appear foolish nor can criticism touch me because I’ve already declared it!
If you can’t tell by the introspective beginnings, I have been performing some serious thinking this week. I am in the process of rereading Gretchen Rubin’s phenomenal books, The Happiness Project, Better Than Before, and Happier at Home. I read them all a few years ago but I have found there to still be so much material to discover from them. About myself, my habits, my strengths, and my weaknesses.
They make me ponder. Turning thoughts over and over in my head until some sort of realization pops out of the fog eliciting many “aha!” moments.
I definitely tend to error on the side of a melancholy personality but I don’t thing that is a fair definition of my personality. I was, from all accounts, an incredibly happy and bubbly child until I hit puberty and the effects of hormones and myriads of rapid life challenges and changes soon pushed me into a sad, depressed, and, although it embarrasses me to mention it, thoroughly angsty teenager.
Fast forward a few years and I have regained much of my equilibrium. I am far happier now than I have ever been in my recollection. But there are still areas where I am woefully lacking in the “happiness” factor. Which is why I’m reading these books. I’ve been asking myself all sorts of questions and trying to learn as much as I can about myself and my specific circumstances so I can improve life not only for myself but also for my perfection of a husband, Micah. (fully aware that he isn’t perfect since perfection is a fallacy. But he’s perfectly phenomenal in my estimation which the only meter that really matters in this equation.)
One of the discoveries I’ve made is laid out in my initial paragraph. I have a perfection complex. A ridiculously perilous one. I can never settle on “good-enough.” Or be happy with having achieved some sort of progress. Which means I haven’t recognized the sheer volume of happiness that can be gained from the growth and learning portion of a goal. Something I want to change and work on.
I’ve shied away from writing more on this blog because I haven’t found THE topic to write about. The one where I will immediately feel immense enthusiasm and want to write more and more. One that will bring me to the heights of “perfect blogger.” (there’s that perfection meter again…) I keep agonizing over all the big, crazy details instead of admitting to myself that, hey! I don’t know all the answers and that’s okay! I don’t need to know everything. The short and simple answer is to just do more of everything until something clicks more than the others.
So that’s what I’m going to try to do.
One of the things Gretchen mentions in I think all of these books, is how helpful it can be to read about other people’s experiences when trying to learn something similar for ourselves. Which is something I have definitely found to be true. Reading her books has helped me immensely. I heartily recommend all of the aforementioned books. Especially if you, like me, have a tendency towards self-reflection and an insatiable desire to improve your life wherever possible while also enjoying it just exactly as it is.